Dating is already a tricky business. Add autism into the mix, and suddenly you\u2019re trying to play chess without a board. The rules are unclear, the pieces are all over the place, and half the time, you can\u2019t even figure out where you are. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve had my fair share of awkward, confusing dates (no, I\u2019m not a dating expert), but when you\u2019re autistic, dating can feel like navigating a maze without a map.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s be real: I haven\u2019t exactly had a string of romantic relationships, but I\u2019ve been on a few “dates” to know that dating with autism can be… interesting. There was this one date in 2020, right after the lockdown. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I met someone at the mall (you know, the classic first date spot, right?). We\u2019d been texting like we were about to run off into the sunset, but in person, it was a disaster. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My sensory overload hit hard \u2014 I was so tired and overwhelmed by the noise and constant chatter that I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to catch a breather. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But when I came back, I ended up leaving just a few minutes later. I felt completely drained and couldn\u2019t continue. Not my proudest moment, but it taught me something important: dating someone who doesn\u2019t understand autism can be really challenging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, let\u2019s dive into the pros and cons of dating someone who doesn\u2019t quite \u201cget\u201d autism. Spoiler: There are some benefits, but you\u2019ll need a lot of patience (and maybe some earplugs).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The challenges<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s start with the hard stuff, shall we?<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re autistic, communicating your needs clearly and effectively can feel like trying to explain quantum physics to a toddler. Take that date I mentioned \u2014 when I tried to explain what a sensory meltdown was, he thought I was joking. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Imagine trying to explain why the room full of people, the sudden light flickers, and the background music are all turning your brain into mush, and having your date laugh it off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n You try to tell someone you\u2019re overwhelmed or tired, and they look at you like you\u2019re being melodramatic. It\u2019s not that you want to be \u201cdifficult,\u201d but autism isn\u2019t always visible, and people sometimes don\u2019t get it until you\u2019ve explained it a thousand times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But explaining autism isn\u2019t an easy task either. You\u2019re trying to share something incredibly personal in a way that doesn\u2019t feel like a lecture but also gets your point across. It\u2019s a fine line, and let me tell you \u2014 there are no easy answers<\/em>. But when someone truly listens, it makes a world of difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then, there are the moments where your behaviours get misinterpreted. For example, when I was in the university, there was this guy I really liked. Let\u2019s call him Marcus (because he might read this, and I\u2019m not about to out myself like that). <\/p>\n\n\n\n Marcus and I liked each other a lot. I liked him so much that I started losing focus on my studies. That\u2019s part of why I haven\u2019t been in a relationship \u2014 fear. Fear of liking someone who doesn\u2019t feel the same or being hurt. Ah, please, don\u2019t move to me if you don\u2019t like me. \ud83d\ude22<\/p>\n\n\n\n With Marcus, I couldn\u2019t balance my emotions because I didn\u2019t know I was autistic, so I had no coping strategies. I couldn\u2019t afford to fail, so what did I do? I ran. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If I had known I was autistic, I might have understood that my intense focus on him wasn\u2019t \u201cobsession,\u201d but a result of how my brain works. Maybe I\u2019d have approached it differently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You see, autistic people can get hyper-focused on things that interest us, which can feel overwhelming to others. But back then, I didn\u2019t know, so I avoided the situation entirely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Or imagine being on a date and not making eye contact during dinner. It\u2019s not that you\u2019re not interested \u2014 you\u2019re just trying to block out the flickering lights that are driving you crazy. But when your date interprets that as a lack of interest, things can get awkward quickly. It\u2019s frustrating how something as simple as eye contact can be misunderstood, but unfortunately, it\u2019s one of those things that happens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The silver linings<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Now, let\u2019s lighten the mood, shall we? There are some unexpected benefits to dating someone who doesn\u2019t fully understand autism (yet).<\/p>\n\n\n\n The first silver lining? You gain a fresh perspective. A neurotypical partner can help you see things in a whole new light. I once had a talking stage with someone who believed spontaneity wasn\u2019t always a bad thing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For me, though, spontaneity felt like a nightmare. Last-minute changes and unplanned events? My brain struggles to process that. But being with them, I started to realise that not all spontaneous activities are terrifying. Some are just mildly anxiety-inducing, which, believe it or not, is much easier to handle. But still, please don\u2019t be spontaneous with everything! <\/p>\n\n\n\n Then there\u2019s the whole growth opportunity. Dating someone who doesn\u2019t get autism can push you to articulate your needs in clearer ways. This wasn\u2019t always easy for me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve had friends try to \u201cfix\u201d my sensory issues (like they could just wave a magic wand and make them disappear), but the reality is, I don\u2019t need fixing. What I need is understanding and respect for my boundaries. And learning to set those boundaries was one of the best personal growth moments I\u2019ve had.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s surprisingly satisfying when someone is willing to learn about autism. I once met someone who didn\u2019t know much about it, but after I mentioned it, they Googled it. I couldn\u2019t help but feel a little proud when they started asking more questions and doing their research. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s not about them becoming an expert; it\u2019s about showing they care enough to understand. To me, that\u2019s a keeper. Unfortunately, it didn\u2019t work out between us. The truth is, I was the problem. \ud83d\ude02 Well, I was! Not anymore. I\u2019m willing to give love a chance now. \ud83d\ude02<\/p>\n\n\n\n Making it work<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Alright, now that we\u2019ve covered the highs and lows, here are a few tips to make dating someone who doesn\u2019t fully understand autism work:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Wrapping it up<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Here\u2019s the deal: dating someone who doesn\u2019t initially understand autism isn\u2019t necessarily a bad thing. It\u2019s all about their willingness to learn, adapt, and respect you for who you are \u2014 and for you to do the same, meeting in the middle to find common ground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sure, it\u2019s tough at times \u2014 like trying to play Monopoly while someone\u2019s busy playing Scrabble. But when it works, all the awkward moments, confusion, and misunderstandings are totally<\/em> worth it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What\u2019s more, got a dating story where autism was a factor? Or maybe you\u2019re trying to navigate a relationship with someone who\u2019s learning about autism? I\u2019d love to hear about it! <\/p>\n\n\n\n Drop a comment below or tag me on social media. And if you know someone who could use a little insight on autism and relationships, feel free to share this post with them. After all, love isn\u2019t always easy \u2014 but understanding each other is half the battle.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Want to know why I ran from a guy I liked \u2014 and what I wish I\u2019d known? I didn\u2019t understand how autism affected my relationships. It\u2019s not about being \u2018difficult\u2019; it\u2019s about learning to communicate in a way that works for both people. Here\u2019s how dating with autism can work with the right understanding.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":885,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[54],"class_list":["post-882","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-autism"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.asoebipay.com\/autismthrive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/882","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.asoebipay.com\/autismthrive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.asoebipay.com\/autismthrive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.asoebipay.com\/autismthrive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.asoebipay.com\/autismthrive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=882"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.asoebipay.com\/autismthrive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/882\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.asoebipay.com\/autismthrive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/885"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.asoebipay.com\/autismthrive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=882"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.asoebipay.com\/autismthrive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=882"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.asoebipay.com\/autismthrive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=882"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Communication woes<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Misinterpreted behaviours<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Fresh perspectives<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Growth opportunities<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
The delight of discovery<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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